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Complaints about a partner being "too controlling" are common in couples counseling. Whether you are too controlling or too passive, each of these behaviors is usually learned in our family of origin. Try this exercise for improving communication to see whether it does inspire better communication, improved assertiveness, less passivity, and more excitement in your relationship. (1) Observe your communication for a week, and notice when you are passive and non-assertive or overly controlling…
It's February--are you sticking to your New Year's resolution? Most people are slacking off. Don't let that happen to you. None of us works toward challenging goals without a few speed bumps along the way. This is especially true when trying to break unhealthy habits or establish healthy ones. Note what happened to get you off track, and make adjustments. Then, avoid those circumstances and start again. It doesn't matter how many times you start over as long as you reach your goal. To energize…
If your relationship with a significant other feels too sluggish or routine (a complaint of many couples), research psychologists say the intervention is to plan new activities you both enjoy. Don't panic - routines occur naturally because we are creatures of habit. One study showed an increase in relationship satisfaction while planning something new, while participating in it, and following the activity. Novel experiences need not be expensive vacations. A new hobby, project, or visiting…
Here's a hint to help you achieve a New Year's resolution - make it ambitious and specific, well-defined, and achievable. Many studies associated with goal theory and performance improvement consistently show that a harder goal is more likely to be achieved than an easy goal with a vague understanding of the final result. The reason why is simple: Specifically drives and channels your behavior. Establish a timeline and objectives, and measure your progress. With these steps, you may be among…
Stanford researchers are making the case that attitude is more important than IQ. Good news: Attitude is easier to change. Start with understanding your "mindset." Either you have a mindset that is "fixed" or your mindset is "growth-oriented," says researcher, Carol Dweck, Ph.D. A fixed mindset means you're not very open to change or willing to adapt to it. You don't view mistakes as opportunities or stepping-stones to your success. People with a growth mindset do. Embrace challenges, persist…
Fear, mystery, and stigma often keep people away from professional counseling, but this hesitancy is normal. One question will help you decide whether to go: Are you fed up with feeling miserable? Contrary to what's portrayed on TV, most people do not attend counseling for very long. Some may go once, feel empowered, experience a "reality check," and find the strength they have been searching for to finally take charge and overcome a serious problem. Counseling is challenging because personal…
Do you enjoy more good times than bad with your significant other? Do you know your partner's hopes, dreams, and fears? Do you talk through conflict rather than bury it in silence in order to keep the peace? How you answer these sorts of questions may point to whether you could stand a bit more happiness between the two of you. Problems in these areas are treatable, but they often fester for years. Don't remain frustrated. Consider moving your relationship forward from "so-so" to "doing great"…
Consider five pathways for managing stress: Focus, Interpret, Prepare, Process, and Distract. "Focus" means giving attention to what you can control (e.g., finding ways to make dollars stretch further so you worry less about bills). "Interpret" means redefining stress (e.g., looking on the bright side of a problem). "Prepare" means taking action to ward off stress in the future (e.g., doing holiday shopping early). "Process" means communication (e.g., discussing stress and solutions with…
Don't give up on your New Year's resolution. Look for roadblocks: (1) Is your goal specific? (e.g., I will dedicate 30 minutes daily to writing my book on organic gardening.); (2) Can you measure progress? (e.g., "It's been 14 days, and I have written 13 pages.); (3) Is your goal attainable? (e.g., There are 365 days per year to fit in 150 days of writing.); (4) Is your goal realistic? (e.g., "I have time in the morning each day for the task."; and (5) Is your goal timely with with a…
Internet Gaming Disorder (IGD) affects 3 to 10 percent of internet and video gamers - mostly young adults. Although not yet a mental disorder, IGD is characterized by preoccupation with internet gaming; feeling unable to stop gaming, feeling guilty because one can't quit, experiencing neglect of physical health, decreased academic performance and a decline in social and normal recreational pursuits. IGD is treatable, but seek help with an assessment from a counselor you trust. Many online…
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